A friend of mine went out to a restaurant for dinner last week. When his steak came to the table, the waitress asked if he wanted mayonnaise. Let me just clarify that there were no french fries or artichokes served with this meal, neither of which he or I – as sane condiment users – would put mayo on in the first place, but some people (and you know who you freaks are) are in to that sort of thing. There was nothing served with the steak that either of us could fathom would require mayonnaise. It couldn’t possibly have been intended for the steak itself; no-one would commit such blasphemy. Therefore, he decided that the only possible response was to say “no, thank you, my shoes are full” because, as we all know, that is the proper signal to give when verifying that you are indeed the secret agent who has come to receive the package she has hidden in her apron.

I love my friends. They make life commentaries as fun outside of my head as they are in.

On the way to work the other day, I happened to glance over as I passed one of those self-storage places that you can often see from the freeway. The sign said “ELF-STORAGE” and, for a split second, I thought for sure that that leading S was just burned out, but no. A second glance revealed that there was no S and that in fact the words were being pointed out by a large, backlit elf carrying presents. So, if you’ve ever wondered what happens to all the surplus elves during the off season, they get packed up and shipped to southern California.

The holiday reminder inspired a site redesign, but my brain doesn’t like me today and has been fighting the impluse to create, tooth and nail. This is the best I can do after a morning of fighting with myself, with which I am wholly unsatisfied. So, I will step away for a while and see if I can’t sneak up on myself later.

Never in a million years did I ever think I would say what I am about to say. Driving in traffic is fun.

The more traffic there is, the better gas mileage I get. This one, simple fact has taken the stress out of commuting and turned it into a game. Thanks to some extra driving I had to do during prime shopping hours last week (which resulted in a significant return on what I initially paid for the extended warranty – woot!), my average mpg went up to a healthy 51 for the first 3 gallons. Further into the tank this has adjusted down to about 48 because of the cold weather (requiring the combustion engine to run longer), but it’s still a very good number.

Excuse me while I go hug my car.